Picking on boylovers

2002-05-10 01:50:59

jgaa

Hi, my name is Tom;

You may or may not know my posts from Usenet, on the newsgroup alt.support.boy-lovers, hitom@usa.net. I post the FAQ there and have been a regular on that group since 96. I guess in all the posts I never saw yours, cause I just saw your website and the page with your post to that group. Consider this a belated thank you and comment on your post.

First, thanks for having the courage to stand up for what you are not, that is a very hard thing to do, especially when those you stand up for are so hated and that you yourself could be considered one of us just for speaking out on our behalf. But more than that I thank you for having the courage to face your own beliefs and challenge them, it is only in that way we find the truth.

So much of what you say we have said a lot ourselves, so it seems we agree and I need not repeat it again, but a few points I do wish to make. I grew up gay and a BL, but as a boy one cannot discern which is which, it all seems the same then, so I also grew up very confused. I also liked women too, so I had a safe "out" with peers, but still I was gay too, and that was in the 70s, during a time when the world was most against gays, a very hard time for a gay boy to grow up in. Or was it? This is where things can get confusing, cause though homosexuals were being attacked so severely, boy lovers were NOT being attacked any more, or less, than gays then, and so it was safe for a BL to make relationships, even sexual ones, with boys. I was a boy then, so I was able to find men to fulfill my needs. I went to them, not the other way around. I knew where and how to find them, today that would be quite hard since the doors are so closed tight to a boy today trying to find a man like that, but that is another story altogether.

Anyway, so I grew up gay, and a BL, and I grew up in a time when gays were most under attack, I got hurt bad by all that. Ironically when the gays got their freedoms and rights I was then an adult, and the tables then turned to the other side of me, boy lovers, and again with the same statements, word for word even, that I had heard from attackers against gays in the past. It was adding insult unto injury. I did not get freedom from persecution like the other gays did, I had nothing to celebrate, for I had just traded one persecution for another one that was identical, possibly even worse because society gets worse when it involves children. I could also say the same irony for abuse,,,, when I was a child it was during that time when society denied such things went on, buried it when revealed, and protected the abuser at the expense of the abused.

Then, when I became an adult I was then attacked as the abuser, even jailed for 3 years, even though I never abused. How ironic, that when I was the child abused no one would help, no one would listen, and I was just put back into the situations to be abused more and more when I did tell, yet as an adult I did not abuse yet I got punished as an abuser, because society had gone overboard and equated orientation with actions. That also adds an additional irony, in that I had never had sex with a boy, ever, AND I suffered dearly internally for that, denying one's self sexual needs is not an easy thing to do, but to be jailed for doing it regardless of the facts is an ultimate insult unto injury.

At that point in my life, after being in jail for sexual molestation of a boy, when I had never in my life had sex with any boy, I had to rethink my beliefs, challenge what I believed to be true, because obviously it was not true after all. The first to go was the belief that if you obeyed the laws, no matter how unjust they were, that you would be safe from prosecution of those laws. The other belief to be dropped right away was that a boy could not be hurt by sexual abuse if you did not have sex with him. That last one is confusing, I know, but I did not have sex with that, or any boy, yet his life was devastated just as much as if it had happened, because of how the society and the authorities reacted and dealt with the situation. They were sure sex had happened, and would not believe otherwise, not even from the boy's own mouth, and so they acted as if sex had happened, and did damage to the boy just as much as if I had really abused him. The details of what happened are long and many, and I don't think the details are important to the lesson I learned and my point anyway. I had lost faith in society, entirely, and I was burned bad, so bad that I was afraid of coming out a very dangerous spiteful person who would seek out the nearest boy to rape, to make up for all that was done to him in spite of having held back all my life.

That also leads to another problem in this witch hunt, society is creating the very monsters they claim exist. So when a good person, like me, is burned that badly, and turns, he then proves the point society is trying to make, that pedophiles are monsters. OR is he a self fulfilling prophesy that would never have harmed anyone if he was just left alone to live in peace, or even be a great benefit to society if he had not been turned by that very same society to a different life. I think it is obvious to anyone with eyes to see. And that is not even talking of the loss to society of what he could have contributed if he was just allowed to live in peace and be equal like anyone else. Pedophiles are the untouchables in today's society, even worse than gays were of the past, and being in that position will destroy any good deeds done, and even turn the good into bad, because of his position in society. For instance, I had done much good for the children in my community, and others, yet once my case hit the courts all I had done turned to shit, and was twisted into some evil plot to prey on children, in affect harming all I had helped, and reversing any good I had done into evil. It makes one want to just give up and not even try when that happens. As an untouchable you just cannot win.

I agree that the parallels are so close to Nazi Germany and the Jews, most of us have pointed that out a lot ourselves. But please do not take offense when I say that the gays have become like the Jews that turned on their own people. Before Stonewall BLs and Gays marched hand in hand. After Stonewall we were dropped like a hot potato and the gay society has worked hard to separate any and all ties or relationships with BLs. In fact it went even further to the gays attacking the BLs JUST AS BAD as the gays were attacked themselves once. But what gets me is that they use the same things said against them, that is the most perplexing, because you would think that if a lie was used so much against you that you would be least likely to use that SAME batch of lies on someone else. I guess hatred knows no bounds.

I am not saying that all gays are like that, but enough are, and the leaders sure seem to be, as they support more issues that push us farther away from the gay community. Yet really boy lovers are a section of the gay community, even if denied by our very gay family. The dictionary proves this, men and boys are male, sex between the same sex gender is gay sex, period. The main difference is in age of attraction, but it is still in the category of homosexual sexual attractions, even if the gay community will vehemently deny this. Maybe that is why some gays attack us more than the rest of society, because we are brothers, and they don't like that. The gays worked hard to get freedom, and they suffered greatly before they got it too, so obviously they do not want to risk that new found freedom, and will do anything to keep it. It is much easier to separate and attack than it is to risk the freedom so long fought for and possibly return to the pains of yesterday. My point though is that regardless of the reasons or justifications, today's gay movement have turned on BLs, even joined in on the attacks against us, much like some Jews did in the concentration camps of old Nazi Germany. And it is those gays that do this to us that hurt the most, because they are our cousins, and should know better, yet they sell us out for their own comforts. A stranger attacking cannot hurt as much as family doing the same. So I am glad to hear from a gay, like you, who sees the truth, even points it out, and risks his own standing, for the black sheep of the family. Thanks. :)

I expect we will some day find our freedom and justice too, like every other persecuted group in history has. It is not an if, but a when. We were just the next in line for persecution I guess, and I had the bad luck of being placed in that line TWICE too. I hope when the next group comes along that the BLs of today remember these lessons, especially how our own brethren, the gay community, tossed us to the wolves for their own safety, so that we hopefully do not repeat the same mistakes on whoever the next group shall be. Look at history and you will find that the same arguments have been used against almost all the groups, the hate and even the arguments were the same, only the group changed, so that is a very important pointer to the falsehoods and what to watch out for. For instance, if a child was raped years ago the town would look for a black man, then later on if it was a boy they would hunt for a gay man, now today they hunt for a pedophile, ANY pedophile, they don't even care if they got the right one, cause in their eyes we are all guilty but they need a justification to vent their full fury on us. In my studying of history I even learned that in Nazi Germany they used to claim that Jews would steel children too, also to convert them to their own beliefs. Slight details may change, like converting children to beliefs versus converting children's orientations, but the lie remains the same, and is continually rehashed against every group next in line to be persecuted.

Anyway, I learned a great deal from other BLs myself. In fact it was other BLs that helped me to deal with the injustices done to me and, more importantly, to help me to deal with my sexual frustrations over it all too. So I never did rape a boy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but I came very close to that. And the only reason I did come close was because society punished me anyway, in spite that I had not had the sex, and on top of all the harm done to me before that, and on top of all the frustrations and pains I had to go through in life by not having the sex and dealing with the hatred society had for me. It is that very communications though that our society now wants to get rid of. There have been laws attempted here in the US to make it illegal for a pedophile to use the Internet, JUST BEING a pedophile would make it illegal to use the Internet, if passed. Fortunately it has not passed, but I fear that is only a matter of time before they do motivate the society enough to make that so. After all, they have already been able to get the society, and the supreme courts, to ignore our constitution and bill of rights and make Megan's Law, a scarlet letter against all sex offenders, for life. They even have children on those registries now, as young as 5 years old, for things as simple as playing doctor with a PEER, and yet society still ignores all the wrongs in that, because they are blinded by their emotions, and the media, and politicians, are very good at pushing society's buttons to get them to act more than think.

So I learned that not having the sex is not protection, a hard lesson I learned. So why should I hold back then, if the law has invalidated itself and punished me anyway? Simple, because no matter how unjustly I have been treated, no matter how badly I have been persecuted, I am still a boy lover. I could not harm a boy intentionally, because I love them. That is also why I could not rape a boy for my sexual needs, cause in the end my love was stronger than my lust, and other BLs have helped me, and many others, to recognize that important difference. I am not saying that I could still not have sex with a boy, I could, but the boy would have to want it himself, and he would have to point that out to me too, I could not make him do it, I could not trick or coerce him, I could not put that idea in his mind and create a situation that was not there. And even then, if a boy wanted it and made that clear to me, I still would have to think it over first, and be sure it really is OK with him, for him, age appropriate, and not overly risky to him. On the risky part,,,,,,, another thing I learned is that just being his friend is the risk, not the sex, as the boy I loved got hurt as bad as I did, even though no sex had occurred between us.
I did try shunning all boys, in an effort to remove any risk, so they would not even be a friend, and in that I would not put them at risk BY being their friend. A boy who came to me, on many occasions, trying to be my friend, I turned away, thinking that was protecting him. He ended up killing himself, because no one was there for him. More than that, in my past, before I got burned, I used to help boys like him, and so I could have probably helped him better than most. I did not cause his death, but I might have been the one person that could have prevented it, AND made his life better too. I learned a hard lesson that summer, a very hard one,,,,, one that I must live with for the rest of my life, and that is there is NO safe method, that the boy is always at some kind of risk, and not doing anything can sometimes be worse than doing something but having it get screwed up. So now I could not turn a boy away that came to me, not after that. So I deal now with things, boys, on a case by case basis, going first with my heart, second with much thought as to the best route to take. Given a better world I probably would have had much great sex with many a boy, but this world is not, and so I have not. Maybe it will happen one day, I don't expect it will, but maybe, but if it does than it would not be from abuse, it would be mutual, caring, and a careful decision with the boy as the most important person in that decision process, over my own wants or needs. But then you probably know that already, given your comments about what you learned about boy lovers. :)

On another similar topic, the present trend in the US today is worse than you might realize. It is not just from the attacks against pedophiles either, we are just the scapegoat for a much larger problem. People here wonder why the kids are killing each other in schools, why the youth is so violent, why our youth is so sex obsessed (while also denying that they have any sexual desires, ironically), and they blame us for that. Yet they don't see how their own actions are causing this, by taking all rights from children, making them possessions, denying them free expression, pushing them WAY too hard in school and then claiming they are doing horrible even when they do succeed under those impossible standards, and deny children "in puberty" and older any access to things like porn, nudes, adult content of any type, and more,,,,,, no wonder the kids are out of control, but society is blind to this obvious fact.

They worry that if a boy sees a nude pic he will be destroyed for life, yet really if he does not get his curiosity resolved then THAT does damage instead (in many ways), but anyway, they attack that so vehemently, yet deny that all the impossible standards they put on kids and then putting them down for the results, or taking away any and all rights they had, are what is CAUSING the youth to be violent,,,,, so instead they just react by increasing that, instead of resolving it. All these zero tolerance attitudes, for instance, has harmed many a good kid, and labeled him/her for the rest of their childhood, from simple acts that were harmless and even normal yet also violated the zero tolerance policies.

In their attempt to make the schools safer they have destroyed the very children those schools are for, in effect the schools have become the harm instead, but so slow a harm that when it explodes they do not see the real cause, they instead just toughen up the standards that caused the problem in the first place. For instance, if a boy is upset that a bully has been beating him up, and he shouts out some statement in anger against that bully, instead of the boy being helped, many times today he would be ARRESTED, under zero tolerance for violence or hate speech. So the bully is enforced by the system and the victim is victimized twice. Then they wonder why such a kid would then come in with a gun and shoot everyone there, since he sees everyone as the enemy that hurt him then.

Zero tolerance on drugs has gotten kids as young as 6 arrested for having something as simple as cough drops for a cold they had. Zero tolerance for weapons has caused some to get arrested for having a dull butter knife in their silverware they took with them to eat their lunch. I could go on and on with more ridiculous things, but the point it clear, the system is the abuser now, yet when the children lash out against the system, instead of the problems being exposed and resolved, they instead just increase the very things that caused the problems in the first place, and in doing so increase the daily abuse they must suffer by the system itself. It is no wonder why things are so bad now, to those with eyes to see. BUT it is so much easier to focus on pedophiles, than to see that the biggest problems and real issues harming our children the most are in the homes, and in our schools, by the very system we have created that was supposed to protect them. That is another reason things are so bad for us now, cause there is a great problem, and so a great anger over it and a great need by society to attack SOMETHING to solve it and vent that anger too, yet it is impossible apparently for them to look in the mirror for that, it is far easier to attack a pedophile instead.

Well thanks for reading this long letter. I did not mean it to be this long, I hope it was not taxing for you. And thanks for sticking up for who you are not, it's a very honorable thing to do.

Tom

2013-01-17 12:51:11

noAKnFdnuwZwcme [anonymous user]

(A) gays are high risk child abusers, and(B) gays are out to seudce straight guys, and the list goes on. Trouble is, none of these things are supported by fact.(A) 75% of child abusers are the natural parent.(B) Why would anyone bother when there are so many other guys on offer. In the case of gays and their relationships, the one big difference I see between straight and gay couples is, for most straights, everyone (family, friends and communities) are 100% behind supporting them getting together. This continues as the partnership develops, through good and bad and the ultra bad times when everyone makes an extra effort to help the couple hold it all together. A same sex couple does not receive similar support. How successfully would mixed couple partnerships be if like gay, when problems came around, they were left to sort out the mess them self with very little support.References :